Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Words can't express my boundless gratitude for youI appreciate what you do
You've given me such security
No matter what mistakes I know you're there for me
You cure my disappointments and you heal my pain
You understand my fears and you protected me
Treasure every extraordinary memory and that's why…
I want my unborn son to be like my daddy
I want my husband to be like my daddy
There is no one else like my daddy
And I thank you for loving me
Even if my man broke my heart today
No matter how much pain I'm in I will be okay
Cause I got a man in my life that can't be replaced
For this love is unconditional it won't go awayI know I'm lucky
Know it ain't easyFor men who take care of their responsibilities
Love is overwhelmingLord why did you pick me
Can't stop my tears from falling
I love you so much daddy(Thank you, you've done so much for me. I love you daddy.)
I get so emotional daddy,
every time I think of youI get so emotional daddy,
every time I think of you
There is no one else like my daddyNo one else replace my daddy...
( was browsing thru my diary & came across this lyrics..lol..& daddy is missed fer real)
:D
11:24 PM
tom is 27th nov09...
theeba's birthday....
i really miss her at the moment...we had planned to g0 out fer her bdae...all kok up adi...
i hope she still has a go0d day though..
&& 3 daes since i talked to my mother...
we fought about me nt doing enuff housewerk...
but cmon...the house is adi very VERY clean!!!!!
mad people luh seriously..
gonna write her a love letter so0n n put 0n her bed at nite to tell her sori..
eg0 t0 tell face t0 face luh..lols
i dono wads wrong with me nowdays...
sometymes i feel very happy with myself & everything arnd me..
sometymes my mood just goes down e drain...
i have this habit..
wen slping tyme oni i will think the most...
i will think of what to do the next day,
think of the people in my life,
think of wadever i have been thru,
think of so0 many things...
last nite i was thinking about the meet up with saravanan...
i feel sto0pid,i wonder wad he might have thought..
& i think im g0nna get my m0nthly tummy pain cos thats why i started getting pimples..
after monthly pain gone.pimples also will go away..
i d0n0 wad kinda cycle is this...
someh0w i slept luh
then i gt up arnd 2 plus to g0 toilet..
wen i came back n lie d0wn..
i have n0 idea why i could smell hym..
hys perfume smell was directly at my face
i was feeling very down suddently...
i didnt have to feel down though..
i just felt sad..
cos i kn0w 0ne thing fer sure...
regardless of whoever i like.be it family or friends or boifrend..
the people wh0 i really care about are those who leave me with the
deepest scars...im very afraid of pain adi..
& i d0nt wanna take the risk 0f pain....
hys imperfection suits me so well..
other then hys height...i like everything about hym..
including that rudeness...cos he is just being hymself
but i feel im not good enuff...its like im afraid of my own bad traits which can affect any relationship i have with anione...
i dont wish to decide anything...
im gonna just go with e flow..
im just gonna be me...
i dont wanna lose a friend by wanting more....
p.s I FEEL LIKE EATING WAFFLE CEREAL NOW..!!
6:24 PM
happy happy:D
he surprised me by not going to work today n by hinting me to meet hym..
then he disappointed me saying he couldent make it cos of smth...
then he made me jump 0n my bed by msging me"can radhamani cum chinese garden at 5?"
FINALLY!!!lol..
0k i gt dressed up..did my hair
then i had sudden breakouts
then my hair all like messy adi
idk why also..LOL
&& sadly i was 7mins late.
s0 i had t0 take cab n g0
i didnt eat the wh0le day..freaking hungryyy s0mem0re
weather h0t i wanted t0 faint adi!!
then as i was walking
there he was
in faded jeans n s0me top
H0W TAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!
i have never felt shy wen miting s0me0ne
i usually smile n walk t0 them
but the m0ment i saw hym
i couldent even lo0k up
i was acting like msging all..hahaha
he saw me n said "reverse,reverse luh"
i was like i need t0 g0 toilet without even lo0king at hym n walked straight int0 toilet!!
the sto0pidest part?
wen i came out i was lo0king fer hym at the left side..wen he was at the right
he shake hys head adi..lols
*embaressing things never fail t0 happen during first meetups!!"
wen went t0 cheers first..
tall fell0w bought ice lem0n tea..2 b0ttles..0ne fer me..h0w nice..lol
then we started walking in the walkway 0f chinese garden..
the place is kinda sweet..but the weather was iritating me bigtyme
i was feeling super warm.so0 i ask mr tall t0 bl0ck the sun fer me..
*he must have t0t im nuts*
then we walk t0 this abit nt warm place
n settled d0wn
he told me so0 many funnie st0ries..
i really laughed fer everyw0rd he said
super funny
then wen i had t0 t0k t0 hym
i realised my voice nt c0ming out
i was squeaking!!!!
he was like huh??aaahh??
haizhaiz...
all because that idiot was lo0king right int0 my eyes
hapens luh...
as he was talking t0 me...singing s0ngs i have never heard b4...
i realised i should be feeling very c0mfy with this kinda guy
but i felt dizzy instead
i was super 0blivious t0 wads happening around me
i said s0mething true but very sto0pid about mo0n n star n mercury
i scolded myself in my heart fer sounding super lame..
i really need less0ns 0n h0w t0 behave in a chill manner next tyme.
this guy making me very nervous like taking n level paper liddat..
i was so0 crampfaced s0mem0re...siao luh i..
cann0rt make it reactions all...
at nite 0ni i suddently felt like going int0 that tall bulding thingy
but they l0ck it adi...
then finally it was tyme t0 leave..
then 0ni he told me i f0rg0t t0 take pics with hym..sad sad..
next tyme i better remember.
we walked till mrt...then i went 0ff t0 take taxi...
he & hys way 0f bye..sucha idiot!!!lol
but hys reactions all..H0W CUTE LUHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
*melts*
time ran really fast....
&& i g0t h0me just in tyme t0 whack po0ri mann!!!!
full n0w!!lol
*note t0 self: use lesser powder*
6:09 AM
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
was really looking forward.
thats wen disappointment hit me right 0n the face
but,there is alwaes an0ther day
& i would be lo0king f0rward f0r that day also((:
have a go0d day sexy munchkin!:D
there is a song running in my mind n0w & it goes like
"peNgaLai nimindhum paarthida-uN iniya gaNiyam pidikudhae
kaNgaLai naera paathdhun-nee paesum thoaraNai pidikudhae
dhooraththil nee vandhaalae yeN manasil...mazhaiyadikkum
mighapidiththa...paadalundrai udhadugaLum...muNumuNukkum...
mandhagaasam sindhum undhan mugham
maraNam varaiyil yeN nenjil
thangumundhan kaNgaLil yenadhu kanavinai kaaNapoagirean...
(ondra renda)
sandhiyaa kaala maegangaL -
poN vaanil oorvalam poagudhae
paarkaiyil yaenoa nenjilae - uN nadayin sayalae thoaNudhae
nadhigaLilae...neeraadum...sooriyanai...naan kandean
vaervaigaLin thuLivazhiya nee varuvaay...yena nindrean
uNNaal yeN nenjil aaNin maNam
naanum sondham yendra yeNNam tharum
maghizhchchi meerudhae...
vaanaththai thaaNdudhae
saaga thoaNudhae
anbae...iravai kaetkalaam...vidiyal thaandiyum...iravai neeLumaa
yeN kanavil...naan kanda...naaLidhudhaan...kaLaaba kaadhalaapaarvaigaLaal...palakadhaigaL paesidalaam...
kaLaaba lalala((:
7:26 PM
im sorry
he has a heart
a very sensitive one
something i would never wanna cause any pain to
im missing your voice..the only thing which puts me through my day(:
5:52 AM
misses
dad didnt go to work today...so i couldent really use my handphone in peace
didnt hear the sexy voice todae:(
& h0nestly i think im missing him...lols
i seriously have no freakin idea where is this going to...
i wish my brain had pause button..to pause my thoughts...
we only talk fer like 10 mins most to most..
but i have been lo0king forward for that few minutes for this few days...
i d0n0 about him though..
as im blogging now..hys frend sham said hi in fb chat..
& he just told me he is saravanan frend..
it seems that when saravanan eats fo0d he adds fertilizers to hys fo0d t0 gr0w taller
he is als0 paalu baby
but i said he is still very cute
& im blushing
0h g0d!!!
mudilae luhh!!
7pm adi that sexypig haven c0me 0nline
yesterdae also halfway went away...
feels super weird at the m0ment
argh.
p.s i hate doing housework for one whole day..damn tired!!!
** note to self.: dont ever call hym heartless..damn:(
2:54 AM
Monday, November 23, 2009
Some people seem to try so hard
To leave an impression.
Using money and property,Even their profession.
They do it all so you'll believeThey are special or cool.
They won't step out of character
For fear they'd look the fool.
The clown, the jock, the debutant,
They all wear this disguise.
They create their grand illusions,To blind the public's eyes.
For if the crowd believes the lie,
It will become their shield.
The truth will slip behind the veil,
Forevermore concealed.
And they will fan deception's flame,
Until their lives conclude.
Then all of them will face the truth,As each life is reviewed.
They'll look back on their legacy,Facing sad conclusions...
Impressions that they left behind,Were only illusions.
That's how the world remembers them,Their well constructed lies.
While who they are just fades away,
Behind a shrewd disguise.
But who they are died long ago,
Lost to feigned expressions.
A fate that waits for any...whoOnly leave impressions.
11:56 PM
i wannnnnnnnnnnn go shoppppppppppinggggggggggg luhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
11:51 PM
So maybe I'm not laying next to you
and the best days Ive known
were spent in your arms.
And if one day
your words meant more than just something to say
my heart would never have tore.
Maybe if i stopped wishing
i could stop looking.
Maybe if i didn't want you
i could stop needing you.
Maybe if i didn't love youi could hate me to.'
N 'Maybe Just Maybe I found a way to breath without you..
'She's armed very well tonight
With her favorite hoodie
And headphones blaring
Nobody will ever know Where she went tonight
for someone who really meant the world to me.
someone who showed me the love wenever i was down
someone who took care of my needs
and introduced me to a new family...
i dont wish to talk about how things changed between us..
but in the end i only know u taught me a valuable lesson
for whatever you are now
im half happy n half sad
i hope u n0e which part im sad about
i really hope you get over certain things
then only u would see the beauty within other people
hope u stay healthy
hope i never see u again
or hear from u again
cos i dont like to cry
i cant share the same special moments with anione else
those moments are never gonna be forgotten
but i guess its time to part
for the best for both of us
im really sorry if i caused u hurt
lets just see what fate has in fer us((:
11:35 PM
sweet stuff(:
october 25th 09
this guy added me in facebook.
his name was saravanan(:
he lo0ked alright in his pictures
he was tall
he was skinny
tanned i would say..
he lo0ked kinda cute maybe..
haha..
the m0ment i accepted hys add,he chatted with me in fb chat
he said"yo"
few minutes later.
he added me in msn
we started chatting
we chatted f0r half a day straight!!
so0 many things to talk about
s0o many funny & sad incidents to share
all with a t0tal c0mplete stranger!
it was suppose t0 feel weird
but n0,
it felt totally right talking to him...
even if it was just the first day...
i didnt even realise the day moving so0 quickly...
the following day we both came online in the morning again...
we chatted all e way till night
excluding inbetween fo0d n stuff...
i could never talk to anione about such random things
stories just came flowing from both of us..
at the end of that day he was named"DREAMBOY"
well this chatting continued for a few days...
till we exchanged numbers...
even after exchanging numbers
he didnt call me..
neither did i....
until 0ne day when we were chatting i joked i had manly voice
then he called to check on mine..
within 1 min he hung up
and said i sounded like sec 1 girl..lols
then i started t0 argue back saying nono i had manly voice..
so...he called me again
for 1 min
check 0n my voice
what he didnt kn0w was
i made hym call so i could check out hys voice..heehe
& damn,hys voice was SEXY i must say!
of course i told hym he sounds scary nt sexy
but i spilled out the fact after a few hours...
well its been 1 month since we kn0w each 0ther..
till this date,
we have had small quarells,
lots of laughter,
many many disturbing,
& i certainly have seen hys imperfection
we have talked in the fone like everyday...
even though its oni a short call each tyme..
we chat everidae as well..
he obviously cares about me but he says he d0esnt..lol
but we havent met.
so in this 1 month.
we are still s0rta like strangers
but it d0esnt feel weird at all
it feels easy on me.
he is abit sot kia.
s0metymes makes me stare at my lappy n lmao
s0metymes makes me speechless cos of hys silly way 0f thr0wing w0rds..
hys imperfection someh0w seems beautiful to me..
0k0k,so i kn0w i sound like im madly in l0ve with s0me0ne wh0m i have n0t even met.
thats so0 n0t true!!
i d0 n0t l0ve hym
but maybe its a crush...
c0s 0f the wh0le"dreamboy" effect given..
dreamboy doesnt mean a perfect kinda person
wh0 makes u laugh all e tyme
0r d0es very sweet n nice things to you sorta thing..
he has hys own flaws...
s0me of it which i was really against with...
but suddently those flaws doesnt seem big...
seems like nothing achelli...
at the end of the day the slightest thing he says to put a smile on my face
i f0rget every other thing that happened on the day itself...
i like this friend.
alort...
haha..
feels super dumb achellii...
because as much as i want some things.
im also afraid to many other things
i wish everything would be easy...
but n0,
everything has its 0wn ups & downs..
i d0nt like fighting with s0me0ne i like
& i hate the angry & sad feeling..
i like this feeling whereby i can tell anything t0 s0me0ne without being afraid..
plus my previous experience left quite a big impact on me...
im naturally possesive.
& stubborn
i have my go0d sides..but this small small
character flaws in me is nt changable
im made this way
& i als0 have so0 many dreams n desires in life
to start of with,
i wanna bungee jump
i wanna get go0d grades for my 0's
i wanna g0 t0 ngee ann or nyp for nursing or physcatric course
i wanna go shopping every month with my 0wn m0ney
i wanna get speed typing course
i wanna d0 v0lunteer werk
i wanna bec0me a part tyme s0cial werker
i wanna ride 0n a h0rse
i wanna g0 new y0rk b4 i die
i wanna pay f0r my parents silver anni cruise
if the w0rld isnt g0nna end this is all that i wanna achieve.
i need support fr0m a l0ved 0ne..
& cho0sing the right person in my life is very important
i have no tyme to explore love life..
waste of my time...
i may like anione..
dat person might n0t be perfect at all
may n0t be rich
but he should nver have an unstable mind.
that is very important to me.
well,
im having a bad headache n0w
i should be heading to bed actually
will bl0g again so0nnnnn((:
11:00 PM
its a complicated hard to explain sorta thing..LOVE
Someone asked me what is love
is it good, is it bad
is it awesome, is it terrible
I honestly didnt know how to answer them.
I finally decided love is the most complicated of all emotions
Love is kind
Love is harsh
Love is wonderful
Love is terrible
Love is a cure
Love is a sickness
Love is LOVE
Love is hate
Love is meaningful
Love is pointless
Love shows the best in people
Love shows the worse in people
Love makes us speak truth
Love makes us lie
Love understands everything
Love confuses everyone
Love builds your life
Love tears your heart down
Love makes you smile
Love makes you cry
Love makes us cuddle
Love makes us hit
Love makes the world go round
Love makes the world go crashing down
Love makes things simple
Love makes things impossible
Love is always worth it
Love is never worth it
Love makes us smarter
Love makes us stupid
Love is enlightening!
Love is BLIND
make love not war
make war out of love
Love encourages
Love scares
Love is peaceful
Love creates fights
Love is soothing
Love is tough...
and above all
Love is always worth it
because you become a better person
everytime you love someone from the simplest caring for a friend
to the deepest desire to love someone
til the world ends from the unconditional love of a child
to the complicated love of the gods there is...
no meaning to lovelove means...everything
No matter how much it hurts you,
or makes you cry
tries your spirt,
and splits your soul.
Love is always worth it...
because what doesnt kill you
makes you stronger
And however long it takesyou will be,
a better person because you lived, though love.
Werent afraid to make mistakes,
choices and try again.And...above all,
loved someone no matter what people thought.
You would die for that person...but you would also live for them.
That...is the true meaning of love...
3:08 AM
Its a four letter wordthe most strong word i have ever heard
the best word i have ever learned.
but what is that four letter word?
what do it truly mean?
what is that four letter word?
what comes between..
thats the word that brings you pain
the word you hear you have to gain.is that the word that makes you cry..
want to fight...think hard at night.
the word that comes with trust...
and maybe a key the word that stabs you,
lie to you,saddens you but hugs you.
you tell me how it feel if its real.
the stories that come with it,stop it.
is that the word that scares and kills is that the word you though he or she was for real?
L-O-V-E
the death word but the word that contains to me....
the four letter word that i feel....
the word i know when its real.
2:54 AM
Sunday, November 22, 2009
04/10/09
happy happy birthday to ro0ban aka fatso!!
was just a simple celebration with family n sithi family..
i bought the cake n a toy car for hym..
hopefully it was a memorable day for my dear brother whom i l0ve with all my heart..
he is 10yrs old..and way way heavier then me..
but he is super cute with the way he talks n laughs..
he makes my stress fly away with hys warm n c0mf0rting br0therly hug
but also iritates me wenever he gets 0ver excited
with hys frends around hym...
but 0verall this fats0 is my br0ther & im very blessed to have hym as my brother...
happy happy birthday my beloved 0ne!!
9:56 PM
diwali moments!!
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deepavali 2009!
happening diwali this year...i bought like 4 saree's which
the blouses were all altered beautifully..
great food everywhere!!
many many hangbao also!!lol
first person t0 wish me was walterboi..haha
alort more photos are in facebo0k..
i miss all the kuih kuih bigtyme!!haha
this year diwali was only filled with happiness & nothing else..
had a blast with all my family babies as well!!
9:30 PM
these are the dollies & me!!whenever we meet its alwaes very fun & happening
we all really have VERY loud laughter..lol
this was the very first tyme i met nazirah..
the m0ment we met adi we clicked to0 well
we all didnt realise that civic mac was so0 happening till that day
this is a day which was reallly very fun n unf0rgettable
we all laughed till we cried!!
& im kinda missing all this outtings
cos its getting very hard 0n us n0wdaes...
hopefully things change for e better
everything happens fer e reason aniwaes((:
we all had our moments,
which fights cnt erase off,
hopefully all the moments were sincere n true:D
9:06 PM
starting all over again((:
after soo many months im starting over with my blog...the reasons for me to stop blogging was because i
got kinda busy with work n my guitar lessons..
now im having sometyme so i figured out that i should start all over again...
cos in this few months alort of things has been going on..
most of it were happy feelings...some sadness & disappointments here and there
but seriously,its not biggy at all...
had alort 0f wonderful moments with all the special people around me...
so0 much 0f laughter & tears are included..so kip on reading to know more:D
so its like my upcoming posts might get abit c0nfusing f0r s0me people c0s im n0t g0nna elab0rate every nick & detail...so0 feel free t0 clarify things with me via facebo0k 0r smth.
.haha
8:58 PM
